Yayatees7 – If You Jingle My Bells I’ll Give You A White Christmas, Ugly Christmas 2022 shirt

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This story is echoed by a friend who’s recently sworn off dating anyone on the ENM spectrum. “I’ve just found that what a person usually means is that they want to have regular sex without committing to you or to anyone—or they want the full relationship experience but without taking accountability for your feelings.” She says that, after trying this a few times, the lack of “stability and safety” that she felt in these relationships left her constantly on guard. “Ultimately I felt like people were whitewashing their bad behavior by couching it in these terms.”

If You Jingle My Bells I'll Give You A White Christmas, Ugly Christmas 2022 shirt

For Leanne Yau—a non-monogamy educator and founder of Poly Philia, a platform that offers digestible information on poly best practice—this is the absolute antithesis of what a poly lifestyle is meant to be about. She opens our conversation with an emphatic “I have a lot to say on this issue.” Yau, who has spent years advocating for this community, is irked by the influx of people co-opting the language of non-monogamy, without ever trying to understand the theory behind it. “Unfortunately, a lot of people have begun to conflate polyamory with being single and casually dating,” she says. “But being poly or ethically non-monogamous is about responsibility, and taking responsibility for your partners: you factor them into your decisions, you consider their feelings, you uphold your commitments to them and respect their boundaries. You strive to be open, honest, and compassionate towards them—it isn’t just a matter of reading someone their rights then doing whatever you want.” The problem clearly isn’t the relationship configurations themselves—which, as Witt points out, were always meant to be about defining commitment, rather than safeguarding apathy. For her, it comes down to dating apps, which have spread the language of non-monogamy so widely, “that people who may not have heard the terms before, read a book like The Ethical Slut, or come out of a subculture where these practices are discussed and studied, will go on a dating app, see ‘ethical non-monogamy’ or ‘poly-curious,’ and take it to mean whatever they want it to.” Witt has often found herself untangling the miscommunications borne of this new world where two people might use the same word to mean two completely different things. “For instance,” she says, “I’ve had a guy whom I was dating—and whom I wanted a relationship with—say that he would be polyamorous with me.” Polyamory, as Witt understands it (and as I understand it, too), is the practice of having many concurrent relationships. If anything, it is a deeply committed way to live. Witt continues: “I said to him, ‘Are you saying you want to be my boyfriend? Because that’s not the vibe that I’m getting at all. It seems like you want to do whatever you want—and if it’s convenient for you to hang out with me, then you’ll be there, but otherwise not.’” They broke up soon afterwards—as she suspected, when he said “polyamorous,” he didn’t mean “boyfriend.” “But if I’d taken him at face value, I could have ended up quite badly hurt.”

If You Jingle My Bells I'll Give You A White Christmas, Ugly Christmas 2022 s Hoodie

“What is interesting to me,” says Sarah, who is 33, has been single for two years, and dates mainly via Feeld and Hinge, “is that we are well-versed in the red flags of jealousy and possessiveness—and we avoid these like the plague—but there is another end of the spectrum now, equally dangerous in some ways, where someone uses non-monogamy to convey a sense that they are so free-spirited that they simply cannot be pinned down. I’ve noticed increasingly that it’s older men who are calling themselves ENM—Peter Pan boys in their 40s, who have learned a new language to help them avoid accountability and protect their ‘free to fuck anyone I like’ status. It puts the onus on you, like, ‘Am I going to eat the crumbs you’re offering, knowing that I’ll never feel satisfied, or do I just walk away?’ And if you don’t walk away, then it’s all on you.”Witt sees the rise in people proclaiming themselves poly as part of a wider trend within the app-sphere for “pop psych” explanations for our behaviors. “I’m sure you’ve seen all that stuff about attachment styles and ‘love languages,’” she says. “If another guy tells me he’s ‘avoidant,’ as if it’s some way to excuse behaving irresponsibly towards someone, I might actually scream.” For Yau, the misuse of poly and ENM terms comes down to the fact that we live in a highly individualistic society. Non-monogamy is ultimately a relational state—something that’s meant to be discussed, explored, and defined by the people engaging in it. It’s not so much something you “are,” as something you do with other people—so the premise of it breaks down when we use it to defend or prop up a behavior, like, “sorry, this is just who I am.”

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Fashion field involves the best minds to carefully craft the design. The t-shirt industry is a very competitive field and involves many risks. The cost per t-shirt varies proportionally to the total quantity of t-shirts. We are manufacturing exceptional-quality t-shirts at a very competitive price. We use only the best DTG printers available to produce the finest-quality images possible that won’t wash out of the shirts. Custom orders are always welcome. We can customize all of our designs to your needs! Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions. We accept all major credit cards (Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Discover), PayPal, or prepayment by Check, Money Order, or Bank Wire. For schools, universities, and government organizations, we accept purchase orders and prepayment by check

  • Material Type: 35% Cotton – 65% Polyester
  • Soft material feels great on your skin and very light
  • Features pronounced sleeve cuffs, prominent waistband hem and kangaroo pocket fringes
  • Taped neck and shoulders for comfort and style
  • Print: Dye-sublimation printing, colors won’t fade or peel
  • Wash Care: Recommendation Wash it by hand in below 30-degree water, hang to dry in shade, prohibit bleaching, Low Iron if Necessary

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